3 signs that you have a wounded inner child

Firstly, what is an inner child?

The inner child is the part in your subconscious mind that has been picking up messages about life, and people, from different points of your childhood. You have an inner child. I have an inner child. We all have an inner child.

So, how does one develop a "wounded" inner child?

Think about all the times during your childhood that your needs were not met, or you believed that you had to "dim your light" to be accepted/loved by others.

Eg: Being told "big boys don't cry", or "good girls don't dress like that", or "you have to think about others before you think about yourself". All of these comments lead to a wounded inner child in some way, shape or form.

Below are 3 signs of a wounded inner child

1. Low self-esteem If you grew up being constantly criticized, or told that you weren't good enough, or you had to achieve more in your academics, chances are you've formed a harsh inner critic voice. This voice constantly puts you down, and even when you do succeed - this voice tells you that you could have done more. It's a vicious cycle of trying, but never quite living up to the expectations that you have formed. You weren't born with this, you learnt it from someone. Perhaps your parents or teachers? Think about where you first heard these critical comments. That was when your inner child got hurt. Your low self-esteem comes from you not being able to see your worth, and not knowing who you are. In this case, your wounded inner child needs nurturing. Think about compliments and acknowledgements of achievements.

2. Trust issues

If you were lied to or manipulated in your childhood, you would find it hard to trust people. You're used to people deceiving you and letting you down. For your inner child, people = disappointments. So you end up questioning the intentions of people. You distrust them, and at the core, you don't trust yourself to keep yourself safe. You may have been gaslighted or bullied during your childhood. You tend to feel anxious when you have to socialize or let people into your life. The inner child has it's own defense mechanism - this is to put up a wall and never let anyone in. The reality is that not everyone is as bad as you think. If you hold onto the harmful belief that everyone is going to hurt you, you'll never be able to be vulnerable with people. In order to heal your inner child, you have to acknowledge the hurt/pain felt in childhood, and build trust within yourself to be able to keep yourself safe (identify red flag behavior and cut people out if needed).

3. People-pleasing tendencies

Do you go out of your way to please others and have difficulties in setting boundaries? Boundaries are the way that you keep yourself safe. It indicates how much you allow people to "get away with". An example of setting a boundary is to be able to say "That's a topic I don't wish to discuss" when someone asks you a question that you do not want to answer. Why did you become a people-pleaser? Well, you've learnt that your worth is based on what you can do. You've learnt that always saying "yes" means that people will like you. You crave the approval and fear any form of rejection. You're so afraid of hurting others, that you continuously don't express your needs, and end up hurting yourself. In order to heal your inner child, you have to start to say "no" to others. Your new motto needs to be "Choosing myself isn't selfish, it is a necessity." This is because your inner child needs to learn that his/her needs and emotions are important. The more you mute them, the more you hurt your inner child.